Bitterness
by HowlAllNight
Summary: THIS STORY IS BEING REDONE ENTIRELY! IF YOU STILL WANNA READ IT KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR IT ON MY PROFILE! ONCE THAT ONE IS UP I MAY DELETE THIS ONE!
1. Chapter 1

Nightcloud hissed in pain as Kestrelflight placed cobwebs along the slash marks on her haunches. Instinctively she flinched away from him. He placed a paw on her shoulder to keep her from flinching to far.

"Hold still," he mumbled around a mouthful of cobwebs "I only need to apply a bit more," he said again, more gently.

Nightcloud settled with sinking her claws into the moss of the nest and clenching her teeth instead. She closed her eyes, taking deep breathes as she remembered the carnage from the battle. Watching cats die, clan and non clanmates get shredded beneath the claws of the dark forest cats. It made her shiver. The memory that most haunted her though, wasn't that of any bloodshed or death.

It was instead when she watched Crowfeather choose Lionblaze over Breezepelt.

Admittedly, she wanted to step him. To prevent her son from killing Lionblaze. But it was also satisfying to think of Lionblaze dead. A remnant of Crowfeather's past mistakes gone. So she watched, at war with herself. Until Crowfeather stepped in.

She watched, horrified, as Crowfeather defended his Thunderclan son over his Windclan one. Then he had to audacity to blame Breezepelt's bitterness on her. Then tell Leafpool that he never regretted anything. She wanted to scream, yowl, sink her claws into Crowfeather's muzzle.

She mostly wanted to cry.

Her whole life she's been deprived of love. The runt of the litter. Unloved by her mother and father. Outcasted by her littermates. She was a happy cat once. However, being given the cold shoulder her whole life chipped at her heart. It made her bitter.

Then she fell in love with Crowfeather. As Crowpaw, she admired his determination to complete any task. His bravery and strength at surviving a long journey. She loved him.

But he still loved Feathertail. So she tried her best to comfort him. To be by his side. He never even looked her way. But she told herself he would eventually love her.

Then he left again. This time with Leafpool. That only fueled the bitterness in her heart. Then he came back again. He asked her to be his mate and she was so happy. She smiled for the first since forever. She truly believed he loved her. That she was finally loved, finally.

Then she had her first and only litter. She cried when she lost her other kits. Her heart felt like it was being mauled by foxes and stomped on by badgers. Crowfeather was strangely distant from her and the loss of their kits. Like he didn't care. She deluded herself again, telling herself it's how he deals with grief. As opposed to her wailing.

Only when he ignored Breezpelt as a kit, and kept glancing longingly to the trees. Did she realize, that he didn't love her. She realized she had been used. That whole time, she had been used. As nothing but a tool. She put up with it though. If only so her son could have a father.

It was to late though. It was always to late.

Crowfeather would always choose Leafpool and his Thunderclan kits.

Nightcloud sunk her claws into the moss of her nest, she growled quietly and clenched her teeth. Raising her gaze, she scanned the crowd of her clanmates. She was relieved that most of them escaped the battle with few wounds. The most injured cats had been tended to. She was one of the last. The camp had been destroyed. The barrier of gorse around its edge was torn apart. The dens destroyed shredded. The grass below them was stained and caked with blood. Along with the pelts of her clanmates.

She looked over and saw Breezepelt. He was curled up in a tight ball. Cobwebs along his flank. Fur matted and torn and sticky from blood. The light brown tabby fur of Heathertail beside him, her own fur dirted and bloodied. She saw Heathertail gentle grooming the top of his head.

Despite her son's bitterness. He managed to get a cat to love him. A part of her envied that about him. The much larger side of her was happy her son had found a mate to love him. Not to use him.

Bile rose in her throat and she looked left a few tail lengths. The dark grey form of Crowfeather was a lot more stretched out. His gaze was aimed up to the dark and starry sky. Staring intently at silverpelt. Probably thinking about Feathertail, or Leafpool.

Certainly not her.

Nightcloud was brought back from her thoughts when Kestrelflight removed his paws from her haunches. Then turned to face her.

"Make sure to rest. No hunting," he ordered when she scowled. He then turned away to head to the next injured cat.

Nightcloud watched his mottled form walk away. Wondering what would have happened had she had a caring littermate who acted like him.

She turned her gaze back to Crowfeather. The resentment from earlier coming back again, full force. Almost as if he was feeling her burning holes into the back of his head with her gaze, he turned his head to look at her. They locked eyes for a long time. The tension seemed to grow between them. Cats walking by almost seemed to avoid walking in between them. Then, Crowfeather heaved himself to his paws. Being careful not to dislodge any of the cobwebs on his wounds. He then began to limp his way over to her.

Nightcloud wasn't expecting this. She slowly sat up as he walked over. He stopped a tail length away. They were muzzle to muzzle.

"Are you OK?" he asked. His tone sounded liked it was forced to sound caring. Which it probably was.

Nightcloud dug her claws even deeper into the moss. How dare he act like he care?!

"I'm fine," she replied cooly. Keeping her gaze steady.

He kept his gaze just as steady "Good. I'm glad you're OK," he said.

That was the last straw. The last string of her control snapped.

"Don't act like you care!" she growled angrily.

Crowfeather blinked confused "What do you mean?!" he spat.

Nightcloud's eyes dilated and she had to force herself not to claw his eyes out.

"I saw you, you chose Lionblaze over Breezepelt!" she stood up, the fur on her spine was flulffed out. Cats nearby glanced their way.

Crowfeather clenched his teeth and his lips pulled back slightly "Would you rather I let our son kill another clan cat," he growled. Tail lashing.

"You said you wouldn't let a hair on his pelt be Injured, in understand preventing murder but going out your way to say that!" she growled, stepping forward "you chased Breezepelt away," she stepped forward again "you said you never regretted anything," she was shaking now. From rage, sadness, or wieryness, she couldn't tell anymore.

Crowfeather snorted and looked at his paws. Finally realizing what she meant. He growled angrily though. Refusing to be wrong. His head snapped back up and his blue eyes were alit with anger.

"Well it was Breezepelt who brought that on himself," his tail was lashing by now "he attacked Lionblaze."

"Who do you think drove him to that point!?" she yowled at him, shoving her muzzle against his and shoving him back. The cats had formed a broken circle around them

"You drove him to that point!" she shouted.

"You claim to never hate him, but with how you treated him! What was he supposed to think! He just wanted a father, he worked so hard to please you! You piece of foxdung!" she snarled "I worked so hard. You used me to prove your so called loyalty to Windclan! If you were really loyal! You would have at least made an effort to be there for your son. To be there for me!"

By now she was wailing, shaking so hard it almost hurt. She was tired. Tired of being unloved, hated, used, and alone.

"I'm done being used by you Crowfeather!" she spat. Crowfeather staring at her dumbfounded, ears flat and whiskers drooping slightly.

"We are no longer mates! I will never share a nest or piece of prey with you again!" she turned away, smacking Crowfeather with her tail. Crowfeather growled. Driven by anger and frustration, he shouted out.

"And you wonder why you've never been loved!"

Nightcloud stumbled. Her eyes watered slightly. She wanted to cry. She couldn't though, not here. So she clenched her teeth, steeled herself up, and marched passed the cats who had crowded around her and Crowfeather. She stomped out of camp, through the barely intact entrance. Kestrelflight called out after her, but made no move to follow. Crowfeather breathed heavily as he stared at where Nightcloud previously stood. Only then did he realize what he had done, what he had said.

He yowled and leapt back when he felt something slash his muzzle. He wiggled his nose as blood seeped out of the scratches left behind.

"You piece of foxdung," he heard Breezepelt snarl. He looked up and saw his son's amber eyes burning with a fiery rage.

"Just like she's no longer your mate," he spat "I'm no longer your son!" Breezepelt turned away, running through the entrance after his mother.

The cats around them dispersed. Not really knowing or wanting to comfort the dark grey warrior. He just stood there, staring at where his son had also stood.

He didn't mean what he said, he really didn't. He may not have loved Nightcloud, but she didn't deserve the treatment he got from her. He didn't want to loose her like he lost Feathertail or Leafpool. However, because of his own stupidity, he had driven them away. He had lost another mate and a son and couldn't blame anyone else but himself.

He bowed his head and turned. Slowly walking to his nest, tail dragging behind him. He curled up, and fought back his tears.

 **XXX**

 **I don't like Crowfeather. Like at all. I hope the Erins give him a cruel and painful death.**

 **OK maybe not the last part but still.**

 **I believe there is no excuse for how he treats Nightcloud and Breezepelt. Sure, Nightcloud did fuel Breezepelt's bitter feelings toward Crowfeather. But if Crowfeather wasn't such a douche and actually acted like a father and mate then maybe there wouldn't have been bitter feelings to fuel. So overall, I do blame Crowfeather, and hate him cause he's just a douche.**

 **And ya lots of other cats are douches. Jayfeather is one too but I love him, cause he does have redeeming qualities and isn't a complete douche, only partially because he's blind. I mean, I know id be grumpy too if I was forced to become a medicine cat when I wanted to be a warrior.**

 **So yea, Crowfeather should have been dumped by Nightcloud after Last hope. I don't know if they're actually still mates. Did they break up? Its never formally adressed. Can someone tell me please?**

 **Also I used to kinda hate Nightcloud. But when you think about it, it kinda sucks what she went through. TheScruffyDuckling on YouTube, made a map about Nightcloud called hide. It was actually completed today and its amazing. Anyway, what she says perfectly fits Nightcloud. Neither a heartbroken victim or an evil villain. Simply a cat who was used by Crowfeather, and fed those bitter feelings to her son. I feel kinda bad for her now because I think Crowfeather made her bitter. Or was that final push at least. I believe she deserves a happy ending. So this is sort of an alternate timeline of what happens after the Last Hope.**

 **Ok enough of my rambling.**

 **Thanks for reading. There's a button that says review. Ya know you can push it and then write something nice. Or bad. Depends on what you think of my story :)**

 **I'll give you virtual cookies if ya do :3 (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

 **Anyways bai bai for** now.


	2. Chapter 2

Nightcloud slunk through the tall grass. She sniffed the air then turned her gaze upwards as she saw birds above her head. Swirling around each other in a strange dance. They dove and skimmed the grass with their wings. When they got close enough, she launched herself forward with tremendous speed. The birds let out startled squawks and began accending into the air. Nightcloud growled and bunched up her muscles. With a powerful leap, she soared into the air and hooked her class into one of the birds. It flapped its wings frantically as it was dragged back to down to the ground. Before it knew it, Nightcloud had sunk her teeth into its neck. It spasmed once, before going still.

Nightcloud stared down at the dead bird between her paws. Her gaze traveled back upwards to the remaining bird in the sky. A current of wind blew against her back and it took the bird upward. The bird chirped once before turning and flying away. Nightcloud watched it fly away. Wishing she too, could fly away from her troubles.

She looked back down at the bird and felt a tremendous amount of guilt swallow her heart. This bird was just like her. It tried to fly away. To escape the clutches of darkness. It wasn't fast enough though, and was dragged back down. Never to fly again.

She shook her head to draw herself out of her pitying. She wasn't a bird. She was a cat. She hunted birds. She didn't feel sorry for them. She didn't feel sorry for anything. She didn't care. She didn't care. She didn't care.

Repeating this in her head, Nightcloud stood to her paws and picked up the bird in her jaws. Turning away and walking slowly back to camp. She examined the terrain around her. Funny how in the widest, and most open place she could be. She's never felt more trapped. She wanted to run. Run across the moor and never stop.

She couldn't though. She had a duty to her clan. She had to take this prey back to camp.

While she walked. She stopped by a gorse bush, where she hid a previously hunted rabbit. She grabbed it and dragged it alongside her on her trek back to camp. She shivered a bit as the wind picked up. Though Leaf-bare had ended moons ago, the wind still made her shiver. The clouds were always out, blocking the sun. There was a constant chill everywhere, even in the warmest corners of camp. Everything seemed dull. The grass seemed to have lost its color. Her clanmates had lost their spirits. Greencough had hit them before they could even fully recover from the battle with the dark forest.

Nightcloud was lucky to have escaped the sickness. Breezepelt had been affected though, and Nightcloud nearly tore her fur out in worry.

Crowfeather of course, wasn't around when that happened.

Not that she cared. No, she didn't care. She wanted him to stay away from her and her son. He didn't deserve to come near them.

Her thoughts cut off when she reached the camp entrance. Ducking low, she charged through. She came out on the other side and examined the camp. Only a few cats littered the camp. Strewn out in pairs, curled up. Trying to find warmth from the lurking cold. Nightcloud walked over to the fresh-kill pile. Only one other rabbit lay there. She had returned before the patrol. She set down her prey and turned to walk away when Harespring walked up to her. She hadn't noticed the brown and white deputy off to the side by the Tallrock. She stood up a bit straighter when he spoke.

"Nightcloud, where is the rest of the hunting patrol I sent you out with?" he asked.

Nightcloud had been assigned to a hunting patrol along the River clan border, Gorsetail as the leader. However she couldn't focus with the other cats around. They gravitated away from her. Like she was a stranger to them. In a way she was. Her feisty temper and sharp tongue had been extinguished. She was dull. A husk of what she was before. Seeming to sense this, Gorsetail had agreed when she asked if she could go hunt on her own. Breezepelt, who had alsp been there, tried to follow, but she told him to stay. She didn't want her son to see her in such a weal and broken state. She didn't see the harm in it. Apparently Harespring did.

"You can't keep leaving the patrol to go off on your own," he said. Not really scolding, more like a desperation for her to understand. Which Nightcloud didn't.

"I don't see the problem," she murmured. Looking to the side "I brought back prey, that's what matter right?" she asked.

Harespring sighed quietly, ears flattening slightly "Look," he said quietly "I know things aren't going well after what happened with Crowfeather-"

Of course, the mention of the dark grey warrior never failed to bring back that old spark inside of her. She growled angrily. Cutting him off.

"It has nothing to do with it," she growled, the growl sizzled out after a moment "I'm just tired," she said more quietly.

Harespring just kept staring at her. He sighed and nudged her shoulder more gently "Go get some rest," he ordered. Then turned and padded away. Nightcloud watched him leave. Left in a trance like state. She jumped slightly when a drop of water landed on her nose. She looked up and flinched as more drops began falling. She looked around as saw her clanmates rising to their paws.

She watched as everyone broke apart, heading to the small dens nearby, made by foxes in badgers long ago, and reserved only for moments like this. Nightcloud felt the urge to follow her clanmates into those smaller dens, but resisted. They were small and could only fit three or four cats. She didn't wish to crowded in. Not with the way her clanmates had been avoiding her. So she instead set her sights on the nursery. Sedgewhisker was in there all alone. She never minded Nightcloud and Nightcloud never minded her. So maybe, it would be alright to stay in there.

Hesitantly, she padded over to the nursery. She peaked her head in and could make out the curled up figure of Sedgewhisker. Nightcloud snuck in quietly and shook out her soaked pelt. Being careful to not spray Sedgewhisker. She didn't notice Sedgewhisker open her eyes. Only when she heard a yawn did she turn around.

"Nightcloud..." she yawned quietly "what are you doing here?"

Nightcloud's tail drooped slightly "Raining," she answered simply "I won't trouble you," she said again and walking to the corner of the nursery. She began scraping together pieces of moss to make a makeshift nest.

"Do you want to share my nest?" Sedgewhisker asked. Nightcloud blinked in surprised and turned to face the queen.

"Its cold. I wouldn't mind it," Sedgewhisker explained, her tail swishing softly in the dark. Nightcloud stared at her. Staying still and contemplating the offer. Since the end of her and Crowfeather's relationship moons ago, Nightcloud had taken to sleeping on the outer edges of sleeping area outside. It was incredibly lonely and Nightcloud found herself having frequent nightmares of her less than happy childhood. She refused to sleep close to anyone though.

Now though, it was being offered. Nightcloud found she didn't have the will power to refuse the offer, so she nodded curtly and padded over. Sedgewhisker adjusted herself, making room for Nightcloud. Nightcloud lay down, making sure to leave plenty of space between herself and Sedgewhisker. She curled up in a tight ball. Place her tail over her nose and closing her eyes. She felt Sedgewhisker scoot closer and tensed up slightly. Until she heard Sedgewhisker whisper quietly.

"I know you've always been bitter," she murmured "and that you've been through a lot. So please know if you need a friend. You can come to me," Nightcloud felt a tongue groom her head gently. Then heard the gentle snoring of Sedgewhisker falling asleep.

Nightcloud just stared straight ahead. Not really comprehending what she had just heard. She didn't smile, didn't react, didn't move. But as she fell asleep, she purred. Just slightly.

XXX

Nightcloud was violently awoken by the sound of yowling outside. While she scrambled to her paws, Sedgewhisker stirred a lot slower and blinked groggily by the time Nightcloud was already heading outside.

Nightcloud looked out and saw Hootpaw, her apprentice, sitting in the middle of a broken circle of cats. When she got closer, she could make out the bite makes on her haunches and the matted blood in his fur. She gasped and felt panic grip her heart. She launched forward to her apprentice. Sedgewhisker followed behind.

Kestrelflight was currently fussing over Hootpaws wounds. Hootpaw himself was soaked from the rain, which had stopped her the time being. One of his eyes was swollen and he was breathing heavily. He had been in the patrol with Nightcloud. Looking around, she realized the only other cats missing were the ones from that patrol. Gorsetail, Weaselfur, and worse, Breezepelt. She pushed through the circle of cats and over to Hootpaw.

Onestar was currently beside him, trying to coax the young apprentice into explaining what happened. Hootpaw was shaking violently. Only mumbling words as his eyes darted around nervously.

"Patrol... Rain... Shelter... Dogs..." he spluttered out. Nightcloud's blood went cold as she realized what happened. Before his eyes rolled back and he slumped to the ground. Kestrelflight acted quickly, pushing away everyone.

"I need space, everyone needs to back up," he ordered. With the help of Harespring, they both lifted the bloodied apprentice and carried him to the Medicine cat den.

Nightcloud stared as they went. That patrol she was with, were attacked by dogs. In the middle od a storm. The wind was whipping up violently by now, and it wouldn't be long before the rain started up again.

 _Breezepelt_

She gasped as she realized her son could very well be out there. Bloodied and bruised and on the verge of death. She should have stayed with the patrol. Why?! Why did she leave?! How could she be so selfish?!

 _"And you wonder why you've never been loved!"_

Crowfeather's harsh final words echoed in the back of her mind once again. She constantly repeated this sentence over and over again for the past few moons. Each day and everyday it's been clawing away at her. Slowly chipping away any remnant of who she was. Then again, she never really knew who she was. If her heart had never been consumed by bitterness, what would her life be like now.

She shook her head and scolded herself. She didn't matter. Not right now. Not ever. Her duty was to her clan. She had to save her son. To fix her selfish mistake of leaving the patrol.

She stepped forward as Onestar began rounding up cats. Pushing through all the other warriors, eager to go rescue the patrol.

"Emberfoot, Leaftail, Crowfeather," he listed off "you'll come with me to find the cats," he said. Said cats stepped forward. Nightcloud felt a small flicker of anger at the fact Onestar chose Crowfeather to go help her son and not her. Then she had to remind herself Breezepelt wasnt the only on in danger out there. Nightcloud turned her head and saw Emberfoot lovingly nuzzle Sedgewhisker, reassuring her he would return.

Nightcloud was reminded of the time Crowfeather had left to the mountains. She had been worried for him. She had Nuzzled him the same way yet he responded with no more than a lick to her head. Even that tiny gesture felt forced.

 _'Did he ever care. Even a little?"_ she thought quietly to herself. She once again reprimanded herself for being selfish. Breezepelt, she had to save Breezepelt. Nightcloud stepped forward and up to Onestar.

"Onestar!" she called as he began turning to head out with the patrol.

"Nightcloud?" he turned his steady gaze to her "What is it?" he asked, slightly impatient. She tried to ignore the feeling of Crowfeather's eyes on her as she spoke.

"Let me come to," she said "please," she added for good measure.

Onestar stared at her "Nightcloud perhaps its best you sta-" Nightcloud cut him off. Not willing to hear that sentence finished.

"No!" she said a bit to loudly. Realizing her mistake as the other cats stared at her in shock, she bowed her head in submission and respect.

"Please..." she asked quietly "I was supposed to be with the patrol, but I left to hunt on my own. I should have been there to help them fight. Please Onestar, I won't forgive myself if..." she felt her emotions get to her "if..."

Onestar stared at her. Before finally relenting and nodding his head "Alright, let's go," before turning away and leaving the camp. The patrol followed. Nightcloud moved to follow but we stopped by a soft voice.

"Nightcloud...?"

She stopped and saw Heathertail behind her, she waited while Heathertail spoke.

"Bring him back safely...please..." she said. Her eyes were wide with fear, and begging Nightcloud to make sure her mate was safe.

Nightcloud nodded her head "I will," she swore. Before launching after the patrol.

It took a few seconds but she caught up. No one on the patrol glanced her way when she ran alongside them. Though Nightcloud could still feel Crowfeather's gaze the back of her head, she ignored it.

The patrol was silent except for the occasional orders from Onestar. They had planned to head to the spot where the patrol was going and figure out patrol was from there. The wind was blowing by violently and was stinging Nightcloud's eyes. She had to squint to lessen the pain. Though luck was unfortunately not on their side. Once they neared the place the patrol was hunting, the rain began to fall. Nightcloud had to hold back every instinct and impulse she knew to keep from running away and finding shelter from the rain.

"This is pointless!" Leaftail hissed as they all slowed to a stop, the ran began pounding harder and the wind was howling in their ears.

"We can't find them in this weather!" he insisted "we should just head back to camp till this is over and search then!"

Emberfoot was the first to object "We can't. They could be hurt and that dog might still be on the loose."

Leaftail scowled at Emberfoot "Do you really think that the dog will still be out here," he asked "Dogs may have fur for brains but even they know when to get out of the rain."

Nightcloud protested "When will the storm let up though? They could die by the time this storm passes!" by now they had to yell in order to hear each other over the wind.

Leaftail growled at Nightcloud "Oh don't act like you're hear for the patrol, you only want to save your son!"

Nightcloud growled and unsheathed her claws, Leaftail did the same buy Onestar leapt in between them.

"That's enough you two!" he shouted. He looked ahead of sadly and looked at Nightcloud and Emberfoot "I'm afraid he is right though, we won't find them in this storm."

Nightcloud felt her heart drop. She was about to protest when a yowl in the distance, followed by a series of barks followed cut her off. All four snapped their gazes over to the direction of the lake. More yowls followed. Those of cats.

Nightcloud was the first to react. She shot off at a run to the lake.

"Nightcloud!" she heard a voice call out. She ignored it though. Her only concern was to save her son. No, to save the whole patrol.

As she pumped her muscles and picked up speed. She could make out figures in the distance. She gasped as she saw the three cats. Breezepelt, Gorsetail, and Weaselfur being cornered by two large dogs. She watched in horror as they were being pushed closer to the edge of the stone they were on. Mere tail lengths from being pushed into the churning and dark waters of the lake.

Acting on only the will to protect her clanmates. She yowled and took a flying leap. Landing square on the dogs back. It barked in surprise and she sunk her class into its ears. It began jumping about and trying to buck her off. The other dog yelped in surprise as the Breezepelt attacked it while it was distracted.

Finally, Onestar and his patrol appeared and split up. Onestar and Crowfeather went to assist against the other dog while Leaftail and Emberfoot tackled the dog an began slashing its legs. Because of the pounding rain, the stone below their feet was slick and slippery. The dog whimpered as its feet slid out from beneath it. Nightcloud leapt off as the dog slipped over the edge. She saw it clinging to the stones below, the water crashing against it. Her attention was drawn away from the dog by another yowl. Nightcloud watched in abject terror as the dog kicked out its hind legs. It kicked Crowfeather, who clung to the stone with his claws to stop from sliding off. Breezepelt however, was not as fortunate. He was kicked hard and flew a couple tail lengths before sliding along the stone and falling over the edge.

Nightcloud called out and ran over, Leaftail and Emberfoot at her heals. Onestar and her other clanmates kept their attention focused on the dog and driving it away.

Nightcloud peeked her head over the edge and sighed in relief as she saw Breezepelt clinging to a old log that got caught on the stones. It was unstable though, and she could see its wobbling grow more violent as it was slowly being dislodged by Breezepelt's weight and constant moving.

"Hang on Breezepelt," she called to her son as she looked around for a way to get him up. She couldn't see anything but stones. She felt herself get slightly frantic with each second.

"We need to stabilize that log," Emberfoot said.

Crowfeather, who had been silent for the most part, glanced up, looking annoyed and frustrated "With what exactly?!"

Nightcloud had an idea, a mouse brained one, but an idea nonetheless. Taking in a shaky breath, she jumped.

"Nightcloud!" they called out to her as she landed on the stones below. She scrabbled at the stones with her claws to keep from sliding, and stopped just above the violently crashing water below. She looked over at where the log was being held by the stones. The stones were being weakened and beaten away by the waves below, which had a ripple like affect to the stones holding the log. Slowly, Nightcloud crawled her way forward to the log.

"Nightcloud! What are you doing?! Get out of here!" she could her Breezepelt hissing, along with the sounds of his claws scratching against the log. She looked over and saw he was completely soaked and shivering violently. She had to get her kit out of there.

When she reached the end of the log. She began gathering the stones that were laying askew and piling them on the log. The more she piled, the less the log wobbled. Finally, as and added measure, Nightcloud sat onto the stones. By now the spray of the waves had soaked her and she too was shivering.

"Climb over now!" she called out "it should be stable enough now!"

Breezepelt looked forward hesitantly, scared even. But Nightcloud knew he was never one to admit any kind of fear, so slowly, he began pulling himself forward. The log would wobble occasionally, but mostly stayed secure. However with one problem solved, another one arose.

The water level was beginning to rise at a rapid pace. Before, the stones were a good few tail lengths above the water. Now, it was swirling around Nightcloud's and swallowed Breezepelt's bottom half. Beating violently against him. Almost sweeping him away a few times. Finally, when he reached the end, the water was up to their bellies. Nightcloud rose and immediately the stones were washed away by the water, loosening the log. The two cats turned and began slowly climbing the stones. Onestar and the rest of the patrol had chased away the final dog and were all clambering at the edge of the stones. Waiting to help them up. Nightcloud was below Breesepelt to make sure he didn't slip.

However, right as they reached the top, Breezepelt's hind leg slipped on some loose rock. Time seemed to freeze. Only a small piece of stone below wasn't completely enveloped by water. The waves were incredibly violent, sweeping away everything in their path. If she didn't do something, Breezepelt would be swept away. So she sunk her claws into the stone below and threw herself up. Headbutting Breezepelt and launching him up the rest of the way. That action though, loosened the stone beneath her paws as she climbed up the rest of the way.

The stone beneath them began collapsing.

"Run everyone!" Onestar ordered. They didn't have to be told twice. The patrol ran, trying to stay ahead of the collapsing stone.

As they ran, Crowfeather slipled on a crack in the stone. He yowled as he collapsed.

Nightcloud was behind him.

She could run past him.

She could escape.

She didn't have to save him.

She couldn't save him.

 _"And you wonder why you've never been loved!"_

She growled and ran forward. His words echoed loudly in her ears. Even louder than the crashing of the waves. Yelling loudly. She bowed her head.

And rammed into Crowfeather, knocking him the rest of the way off the stone.

That saved him, but not her. Crowfeather, Breezepelt, and the rest of the patrol turned around in time to see the stone below Nightcloud collapse, and Nightcloud fall with it.

She yowled as she fell. Growling an screeching as she landed flat on her back onto a flat piece of stone. Her head slammed into it. She groaned as she opened her eyes. She looked to her side and saw a giant wave come crashing toward her. Then she groggily looked up and saw her clanmates peering over the edge. Crying out her name. Her gaze settle on the face of Breezepelt and Crowfeather. Breezepelt looked horrified. His eyes were wide in fear. Crowfeather's face was stoic. Though she could see disbelief in his gaze. Those were the last faces she saw before she felt the wave slam into her side.

As it swept her away.

 **XXX**

 **You know the key to writing something depressing. Listen to nothing but depressing music. The Yawning Grave works really well.**

 **There is a good reason why Nightcloud saved Crowfeather... I think so anyway. itll be expanded on more later on in the story.**

 **I also feel like the younger cats would be more sympathetic of Nightcloud. The ones who mostly only seen her bitterness as a result of Crowfeather. Plus her break up with him was public. So her clanmates are more sympathetic of her because they're seeing the result of it. Her becoming much more distant and emotionless. Sedgewhisker seemed like the right cat to offer comfort because she's young and expecting kits. I feel like her motherly instincts would start kicking in, allowing her to feel sympathetic and comfort Nightcloud.**

 **I also feel without Crowfeather, who served as a kind of structure. She would fall apart. In this story, she's spent her whole life seeking love. Being deceived into thinking Crowfeather loved her, she became kind of reliant on him. Which kind of made her fall apart. If that makes any sense. Its kinda hard to put what I mean into words.**

 **ANYWAY! thank you all so much for reading and thank you for the wonderful feedback. I got 5. Yes 5! Reviews and I am so so happy.**

 **So thanks again everyone. And you know I don't mind more reviews ;).**

 **HERES SOME VIRTUAL COOKIES FOR YOU ALL (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

 **Bai Bai :3**


	3. Chapter 3

Nightcloud was cold. Very cold.

It was the kind of cold the sunk deep inside your bones. It made you immobile and unable to think. It choked you. It was cold and burning all at once. It was also dark, pitch black.

She was peaceful, and calm. For the first time in a long while.

Then chaos started up once again.

Her eyes shot open as her back slammed into a stone. Instinctively she opened her mouth to yowl. Instead, a mouth full of water invaded her mouth and choked her. Flailing her paws, Nightcloud managed to break the surface of the water and practically vomited out all the water. She hacked violently. Before she had time to take a breath. The current dragged her back below water. More aware of her surroundings. She managed to keep her mouth clamped shut, even as she bumped into various pieces of debry.

The current was powerful. Nightcloud didn't think that even the most experienced warrior of Riverclan could fight this current. Nonetheless, Nightcloud wasn't going to give up.

She tried to focus. Though it was incredibly difficult to do so, while being tossed all around. She moved her paws in a rhythimic pattern. Like she was running across the moor. It helped, and soon she felt herself rising slowly. She lifted her head and felt the current push her up even faster. Then with one final paddle, her head broke the surface again.

The current had calmed down from powerful waves to a strong swirling. Nightcloud took deep ragged breaths as she struggled to figure out where she was. Craning her head around, she could see the gathering island many foxlengths behind her. It took her a moment to realize what exactly had happened.

 _'The rain has flooded the lake!'_ she thought in a panic. How much had the lake flooded? How far would this current drag her?!

Nightcloud yelped as the water dipped and the current picked up again as the ground dipped downhill. Turning her body around, Nightcloud paddled as hard as she could. There was no hope she could fight this current and win, but that didn't stop her.

After a while of fierce paddling, Nightcloud's muscles felt numb and her movements slowed. She had been exhausting herself. Now she would drown because she had no energy left to swim. Nightcloud felt panic choke her as she began to sink. She had to survive. She had to!

 _'Why?'_

She stopped as she heard that tiny voice in the back of her mind. Why was she fighting to survive?

She clenched her teeth as she slammed into the corner of a flat wooden object. She reached out weakly and snagged her claws on the soggy wood. She began slowly dragging herself out of the water. Her black fur was heavy with water and made pulling herself up much harder.

 _'Why do you want to live?'_

She ignored the voice and managed to drag herself onto the opject. It was flat and tipped as Nightcloud's weight was added to the corner she climbed onto. As fast as her exhausted limbs let her, she scooted to the middle. It was a twoleg object. The wood didn't smell at all like the forest, and it was for too smooth and flat to have come from anywhere other than from twolegs.

 _'Breezepelt doesn't need you anymore. Your clanmates don't care, they don't need you."_

"Stop..." she murmured weakly. Exhausted both physically and mentally. She breathed in and out heavily. Shivering violently as the cold sunk deep into her muscles. She closed her eyes tiredly. There was no point in fighting to survive. Her son had a mate and didn't need her. Crowfeather wasn't her mate anymore, he never really was. She had no one but her clanmates, yet even they didn't know how to act around her. The hopelessness and sadness overwhelmed her in that moment. She clenched her teeth as she held back her sobs. Even alone, she refused to be weak.

She clenched her teeth and tried to stand up. Only to flop back down tiredly. All her energy and willpower had been drained. The twoleg object jerked violently as it slammed into something she couldn't see. She yelped as she tumbled off the object into the water. The current had picked up again and dragged her down. She struggled weakly for a moment then stopped. Her previous thoughts coming back.

If her clanmates were ever only going to see her as cold and cruel and never love her, then there was no point in fighting to go back.

So she let herself sink.

She wondered who would welcome her into Starclan. Most likely a Starclan warrior who pitied her. She also wondered how long till she was forgotten. How long till her clanmates forgot her name. Probably not long.

Nightcloud felt her consciousness slip away. Her mouth drifted open and she felt water invade her mouth. She fought her urge to cough and felt herself drifting farther and farther away. She started slightly when the water around her was disturbed.

 _'Are they here? Am I being taken to Starclan?'_

She vaguely felt teeth grip her scruff before she lost consciousness completely. It couldn't have been much longer before she felt herself being tugged back to consciousness.

"Is she alright?"

"Ah geez, what do we do?!"

"Calm down, freaking out won't help!"

Her ears swiveled slightly as she could faintly hear meowing.

"Wait I think she moved!"

"Hang in there!"

"I've almost got the water out of her lungs!"

As she became more and more awake, Nightcloud was aware of the water in her lungs. They began to burn from lack of air. She couldn't cough it up though, she had no strength. She couldn't even open her eyes. Only when she registered paws on her chest, rubbing and pushing down rhythmically, did she begin jerking forward and start coughing.

"She's waking up!"

"Stay back! Give her some room!"

Nightcloud leaned forward and began hacking up water. It splattered out then slowed to a dribbled down her chin. She raised herself slowly on her front paws only to collapse once more, shivering. She felt multiple bodies curl around her.

"She's shaking bad."

"Poor thing, she nearly drowned."

She felt warmth slowly seeped back into her. Slowing her shivers from violent to occasionally. Though the chill was gone, the exhaustion was still very much present. Her eyes remained shut and limbs immobile. Her ears still swiveled though as she registered the sounds around her. After a few more moments, she slowly opened her eyes. She could make out three fuzzy figures. With a soft sigh, she rested her head back down and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

XXX

Nightcloud slowly became aware of surroundings as she awoke.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sleep. Judging by her aching muscles and fuzzy mind, it might not have been long. Slowly, she opened her eyes. She blinked surrounds began to slowly come into focus. She was in dark tunnel. It stank and was wet. Though the nest she lay on was pretty dry. She let out a long yawn, stretching out her jaws. Her tail curled as she also stretched out her back. Then she pushed herself up in a sitting position an looked around.

The tunnel was twoleg made. She could tell by the hard and silvery outexture of the walls. Looking forward, she noticed about two other nests. She sniffed but the scent of the tunnel masked the scents on the nests.

"Your awake!"

Nightcloud whipped around. Instinctively, she lashed her tail and curled her lips back into a hiss. Crouching down and staring at the cat who spoke.

It was a tom, maybe the same age as her. He was skinny, but his strong muscles rippled beneath his pelt as he moved. He was grey, with black tabby stripes, white paws and a white muzzle. His eyes were an intriguing shade of pale green. Surprisingly, he didn't seem fazed by her aggressive reaction. He watched her carefully, almost as if he had expected this. His tail swished back and forth gently. He lay down and curled his tail around himself.

He was laying in third nest that had been behind her. His whiskers twitched as he continued to watch her. Rather than insisting that she sit and rest or reassuring her. He simply rested his head on his paws and closed them.

"I'm glad you're alright," he said after a moment. Nightcloud slowly relaxed and stopped hissing. She still remained on her feet in case anything happened. She kept her glare steadily on him.

"You were really exhausted and inhaled a lot of water," he continued "we hoped you'd wake up soon, you've been asleep for a while."

Nightcloud perked slightly and began to worry "We?" she questioned.

The tom opened his eyes and sat up slowly, he nodded his head.

"Yes, me and my friends found you, I managed to drag you out of the water," he confirmed "your nearly drowned."

Nightcloud stared at the tom. Her tail lashed slightly and she huffed. She looked away. Not wanting to be grateful or indebt to the cats who saved her life.

"No one asked you to save me," she spat. She didn't look at him for fear that he'd be angry about her aggressive behavior. This was the way it had to be though. She can't let anyone get close. It'll only end in pain.

Surprisingly enough, the tom didn't say anything. Nightcloud could hear shuffling behind her as he moved around. She kept her claws unsheathed, prepared for anything. She jumped as rat was dropped in front of her. It was scrawny and smelled slightly of crow-food. She curled her lip and shyed away from it.

"Is that _prey_?" she asked. The tom walked up beside her and nudged it closer.

"Its all we have right now, my friends should return with prey soon," he reassured her "you should eat. You've been through a lot."

Nightcloud only stared at the tom as he began cleaning out the other nests. He wasn't forcing her to eat, yet his slightly caring tone in that single suggestion compelled her to lean down and take a bite of the soggy rat. It was disgusting, but her stomach was empty and it felt amazing to fill it back up. In quick and famished bites, the rat was gone. She licked her lips and winced slightly, the after taste was just as bad as the rat.

Feeling at ease, she lay back down. Keeping a steady glare on the tom on the other side of the tunnel. Her ears twitched and she winced as she heard thunder crash outside. She let out an involuntary yelp as she heard the crack of thunder again. The tom glanced up at her curiously as she began to shake.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Nightcloud nodded quickly as the rain started up. It tunked against the tunnel loudly and slightly deafening. Nightcloud looked up as she saw the tom looked outside nervously.

"Where are they?" he murmured to himself. Nightcloud whirled around and hissed as she heard sounds coming from the other side of the tunnel. Her fur on the back of her spine rose as she growled. The tom though, meowed happily and shot past her.

"Lily! Valor! What took you so long!?" he asked, purrng happily. Nightcloud watched as two cats, a she-cat and another tom, padded up. The she-cat was white with brown tabby splotches along her fur with emerald eyes. The tom was a dark blueish color and his eyes were a vibrant blue. The tom had a few mice by their tails. The she-cat was carrying a sparrow. They set down their prey and greeted the other tom. Slowly, feeling as if she was invading a personal moment, she approached them. The she-cat noticed her and purred happily.

"You're awake!" she purred, padding closer. Nightcloud flinched slightly as the she-cat rubbed her head against Nightcloud's head. She froze, not quite used to such affection. The blue grey tom followed behind and laughed.

"Lily, not everyone is used to being coddled by strangers," he teased. Realizing she over stepped boundaries, the she-cat stepped back. Purring sheepishly.

"I'm sorry! I was just so worried," she explained as Nightcloud stared blankly "I'm Lily by the way," she introduced herself. Purring happily.

The blue tom chuckled and stepped forward, hesitating as Nightcloud's fur fluffed slightly.

"My name is Valor," he said, tail swishing "don't mind Lily, she always has her head in the clouds."

Lily turned to Valor and her tail lashed slightly "What's that supposed to mean?" she growled, with a playful and teasing undertone. The final tom shouldered between the two and looked at Nightcloud with his warm, pale green eyes.

"My name is Dusk," he glanced sideways at Lily and Valor "don't mind these fluff brains, they always bicker."

Nightcloud stared as the cats bickered slightly, laughing, completely at ease with each other. She wondered what that was like. To care for and trust someone as much as these cats appeared to trust each other. She wondered if this was what it should feel like with her clan. This is how it should have been. Her bitter heart ruined what could have been though.

Her clan!

Only at that moment did she remember the events prior to these moments. Her clan. Despite her feeling of utter hopelessness In the lake, she knew she had to return to her clan. Her only purpose in life now was to serve them. She couldn't be selfish and want anything else. She had to go back. She had no choice.

The three seemed to remember the stranger in their home and stopped bickering. Valor flattened his ears.

"Sorry about that," he apologized "what's your name?"

Nightcloud wanted to answer, but giving her name would mean she would be acquainted with these cats for a while. She couldn't let that happen. She had to leave. So instead of answering, she scrunched her face into a scowl and turned around, marching to the other end of the tunnel.

The three cats watched, completely taken aback by what had happened. At least Lily and Valor were, Dusk was watching her with a straight face.

"That was rude..." mumbled Valor. Lily nodded in agreement as she called after Nightcloud. Nightcloud ignored them and exited the tunnel. As she looked around, she realized the area around her was Baden and full of filthy puddles. She ignored the rain pounding on her and tried to find anything familiar. She walked forward, only to shoot backwards as a monster roared past. The rain was coming down so hard she could barely see in front of her. She began to grow frantic as she looked around and found nothing familiar. Where was she?

When she felt a tail brush her shoulder, she acted on fear and growled, tackling it to the ground. Claws unsheathed, she realized she had her claws on Dusk's neck. He had followed her out here into the cold rain. He stared at her, is eyes calming her strained nerves. She muttered a quiet apology and let him up. He rolled over and stood up. Staring at her, sending prickles across her skin.

"Let us help you," he said quietly. Nightcloud didn't look at him, but her ears swiveled in his direction.

He perked up and smiled "I know this area well, we can help you get home, just let us help," he persisted.

Only then did she turn to glance at him. She was nearly knocked off her laws by the earnesty in his eyes. They spoke the truth. He wanted to help her. That notion alone was surprising. She knew the best thing to do is refuse, turn around, and stomp off in the direction that seemed best.

Yet she didn't.

Something about this cat stuck with her. He hadn't insisted she stay for her benefit or she continue resting. Instead his reasoning was simply that he wanted to help. It was strange that he knew the things that would keep her calm and not set her off. It was that very thing that kept her from leaving. So with a heavy sigh, she snorted, looked away, and mumbled quietly.

"Alright..."

 **XXX**

 **IM DOOOONNEEE WITH THIS CHAPTER! FINALLLY!**

 **School, school is evil and should be against the law. So should homework. And waking up early.**

 **Finally managed to write this, spent most of the night on it, sobbing cause I was listening to Hamilton. Its quiet uptown...**

 ***sobs***

 **ANYWAY!**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

 **I tried to define the new characters personalities. Hope I conveyed them well. Lily is perky and giggly, sometimes to the point of obnoxious. Valor kind of keeps her in line, tries to portray a dignified front but is actually a goofball. And Dusk... Well I'll let you guys guess.**

 **Also Nightcloud did go slightly suicidal. It may seem odd that her hopeless feeling just vanished but there is a reason. At this point she's suffering a form of manic depression. Which is just going to make this story that much more angsty. Sorry if she's a bit out of character. But that's a bit of the point, loosing Crowfeather was the last straw, and she snapped. Badly.**

 **OK enough of my rambles.**

 **Review if you liked, or didn't. I just like reviews. :3**

 **Bai Bai for now!**


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